I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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