the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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