you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
