Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
