I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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