I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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