I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
