I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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