I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
