Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
