May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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