Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize