I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
