Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
