Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize