Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
