I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
