My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
