my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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