so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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