I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
