sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
