Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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