we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
