youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
me + whiskey = a bad person
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
