Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
