Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
