i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
