Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
