My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i've created a new STD.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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