Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
