i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
