Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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