What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
