maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
