12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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