My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
