So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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