HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
