brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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