her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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