Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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