My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
