You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize