My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
