I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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