Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
