They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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