he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
