Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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