spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
