just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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