i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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