I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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