If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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