that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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