all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
