It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
