why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
BRING THE BAGELS
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you have feelings for this penis?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
