Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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