Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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