she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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