So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
