sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize