those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
