He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
