that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
