i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
