xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
