the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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