So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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