so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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