i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
