I look better un-naked...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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