Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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