I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
