I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
