thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
