I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
