theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
