...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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