we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
