i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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