you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
