I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
