she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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