smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
