dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
