we're chasing vodka with high fives
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
