At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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