Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
