were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
