He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize