I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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