Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
