i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
