Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize