He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
i think im in europe. pls send help
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
