I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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