I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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