Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
