She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
