At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
