hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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