im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
