hotel room ftw
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
