you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize