i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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